I love my master;
Thus I perfume myself with
This long-rotten squirrel.

I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You ever will be

Today I sniffed
Many dog butts-I celebrate
By kissing your face.

I sound the alarm!
Mailman Fiend-come to kill us all-
Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Neighbor's cat-come to kill us all!
Look! Look! Look! Look!

My human is home!
I am so ecstatic I have
Made a puddle

I hate my choke chain -
Look, world, they strangle me! Ack
Ack Ack Ack Ack!

Sleeping here, my chin
On your foot - no greater bliss - well,
Maybe catching cats

The cat is not all
Bad-she fills the little box
With Tootsie Rolls

Dig under fence-why
Because it's there. Because it's
There. Because it's there.

I am your best friend,
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating.

My owners' mood is
Romantic-I lie near their feet.
I fart a big one.